Because, let’s be honest, West End theatres are not great. They’re crowded, they’re uncomfortable and the facilities they provide are all to do with raising revenue and very little to do with actually providing a nice experience for their audience. AND THEY HAVE TOO FEW LADIES’ TOILETS BY A FACTOR OF ABOUT A MILLION. (I feel strongly about this. I make no apologies for mentioning it many times in the next few hundred words.) In some senses, I do get why this is the case. Another thing that the majority of West End theatres are is old. They occupy prime, expensive, but virtually unalterable real estate that restricts what they can do even if their owners and operators have the best will in the world. West End theatres are a means to an end: you go there to see a show, and maybe buy a drink and a programme. And, at the end of the day, that’s fine.
Away from the West End though, theatres are often so much more than an auditorium with a bar and (not enough) toilets stuck on. Thought has gone into their design. Thought has gone into the service and facilities they offer their audiences. Thought has gone into their programmes. Thought has gone into their wine lists and their ice creams and their coffee.
More of this sort of thing, I say. The appeal of the theatre should not begin and end in the auditorium. They should be nice places to be. Here are some that I think are...
Best Building
I mean, it’s got to be The Bridge. No contest. London’s newest theatre is also it’s most beautiful by a country fucking mile.
Not only that, though, it’s the most functional: plenty of front of house space, WiFi, amazing food and drink offerings (of which more later), water fountains and - that holiest of holy grails - plentiful ladies’ toilets. Check out the downstairs ones for some of the most beautiful loos, and best selfie lighting, in London. Shout out too to The Victoria Palace, which has been transformed by Cameron Mackintosh’s pre-Hamilton renovation. This shows what can be done with a traditional, old building if someone is willing and able to chuck bucket loads of cash at it. The bars are huge and gorgeous, the layout is sensible, the toilets are luxurious (and there’s almost enough of them) and the decor is stunning. The one West End (well, ish) theatre I actively enjoyed the interval in. Their white wine is pretty solid too.
Best Building to Hang Out in During the Day
Bit of a niche one, but as someone who often needs somewhere to work in London during the day this is important to me. It’s all about the good old National Theatre here. Excellent free WiFi, loads of seats and quiet spaces to hide in, loads of food and drink options, plenty of loos, inside and outside space. I spend a lot of my life here. Like, a statistically relevant percentage. It’s a bit further out, but I also love spending time in The Bush. Their library cafe is adorable, their WiFi reliable and the vibe so chilled. Surely the nicest theatre terrace in London too.
Let’s Talk Food
I have a lot of opinions about theatres and food, and have done extensive research to back them up. Especially on the wine. You can trust me on these recommendations guys.
I love a theatre restaurant, and the NT’s counter service Kitchen and the Young Vic’s sit down The Cut are my favourites. Kitchen is great value and reliably nice food. It’s not super exciting, but it’s solidly good. It’s especially good for cake: watch out for the amazing pistachio and rose Chelsea buns, the size of your head scones and my perennial favourite lemon polenta cake. The Cut is more expensive but also better. Their waiting staff are always lovely too. I recommend their tapas, their inevitably implausible-sounding-but-successful veggie burger (the beetroot and quinoa with plantain, pea hummus and cheddar cheese is my favourite) and the chocolate fondant. When they have it on, the peanut butter hot chocolate is a thing of beauty also.
When it comes to interval snacks there’s only one game in town: The Bridge’s fresh baked madeleines. Believe the hype - they’re off the chart good. I could eat them forever.
If you’re an ice cream loyalist, then head to The Almeida for the best selection (or, if you’re a bit further afield, The RSC in its Stratford Upon Avon home). The best wine selection is at The Bridge (pricey but worth it, their whites are particularly good) and The Donmar (it’s sauv blanc is great). Need waking up? The Bridge and The Bush have the best coffee. Get an almond latte at the former and an oat latte at the latter. The NT has the best hot chocolate. The Young Vic has the best teas.
Hanging around for a post-show drink? Mark’s Bar at The Old Vic is a deeply strange idea (an open to the public bar in the front of house area of their circle) but does amazing, strong as fuck cocktails. It’s not cheap but it is very good. The NT’s Understudy is a great option too. It’s selection of wines and on tap beers is the absolute best. It also sells sweets by the glass and who doesn’t want that?
Nicest Staff
Oh hai The Bush. I’ve never met a member of staff there who is anything less than extremely helpful and unremittingly cheerful. It makes a bigger difference than I think some theatres realise - especially to people who go to a lot of shows.
Best Programmes
If you’re a programme person - and I very much am - then shelling out £4+ for, essentially, a booklet of adverts for other shows is the most crushing thing (looking at you, Really Useful Theatres). But if you actually want some useful reading around a production then your £4 is well spent at the NT and The Bridge. The latter are my particular favourites as the design is so nice and the people they get to write their programme essays are always so interesting - Tristram Hunt for Young Marx and Mary Beard for Julius Caesar were both great and the short story for My Name Is Lucy Barton is probably my favourite bit of writing in a programme ever. The NT is the original best practice programme: functional, good content, good photos. A large portion of my flat is occupied by my collection of them. Their rehearsal photo selection is always the best in the business.
Best Shopping
Ok, so this is a less intrinsic part of the theatre experience but I wanted to include it purely because I love the NT Bookshop so much and I want that recorded. Show merch, a more or less unbeatable selection of playtexts (not just for NT shows) and other thespy reading material, some beautiful design pieces, greetings cards, stationary, programmes, industry magazines and other assorted cool stuff. I could live here.
So, that’s my list but what have I missed? Or where have I missed? Think all of my recommendations are nonsense? Tell me! Especially if you know where the good wine’s at.
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